08.15.09
Snarky replies to Grade Emails
I have a flood of emails this semester, but I usually get a couple of these:
Dear Prof. Art, Why did I get a C? I looked at my grades and worked so hard! I don’t think I deserve a C.
I usually reply with simple numbers. It is really the best way. It makes it a matter of the student being bad at math, rather than me being a bitch. I work hard to keep my standards consistent and clear. I’m not about to change them. Having gone back each and every time and checked every grade, and the gradebook, and my email (in case something got emailed instead of turned in properly, and got missed), etc. etc. etc., there are some snarky comments I would dearly love to smack these students with, especially since the vast majority of these emails imply that the grade is my fault, not their earned feedback. It would just a form like this:
I am sorry you are disappointed by your grade.
Please select the appropriate reason(s) this student has received their grade:
*However, it would have helped immensely if you had turned in your work. I cannot grade what I do not have.
*It is very, very difficult to get in an A in a class when you have failed both the midterm and the final examinations. In fact, just failing one can make that pretty difficult.
*Oh, and by the way, those exam grades? They weren’t out of line with the work you turned in. When you bothered.
*Actually, you failed. I was feeling generous and tried to credit you for demonstrating some level of learning this semester.
08.07.09
Here comes Fall
I haven’t actually ended the summer semester yet; this is finals week. But here comes Fall. I’m working on the new syllabus, with the new sections required by the college as well as things that need to be changed and updated based on issues with my students the last few semesters.
I’m up to 11 frickin’ pages. Not including the outline of the weekly topics and reading.
Seriously, WTF? When I was in school, if the syllabus was 3 pages before the outline, we cussed about how nitpicky the professor was. Two pages was standard. Here’s a paragraph about the class, buy these books, here’s the dates your assignments are due, here’s how much they are worth in your final grade, here’s the contact info for the professor. Sometimes a “show up, you idiot” was tossed on. Have a paper for the class? Here’s what you got:
10-20 page paper due, April 20. Topic of your choice. Discuss topic with Prof. Art by March 1 for approval. Bring Bibliography.
And that was it. Everybody knew the drill: that meant it was double-spaced, a normal-sized font, it had to be fully notated, and it had to be somehow connected to the class. You had to go to the library and do real research, not just browse a few webpages. Its pretty hard to write a real paper without a few sources; the general rule-of-thumb was 3-4 sources per page, but it depended on the assignment, what you were doing with it, and what kinds of sources you found. If you were a first-year who didn’t know the drill, that wasn’t a syllabus issue; that got straightened out when you had your topic approved.
Academic honestly policies? That was part of the student handbook. Attendance policy? Ditto. (Besides, if you don’t show up, WTF are you paying for?) You only included in the syllabus the ways you differed from general college policy.
Now? Each and every fine detail has to be outlined in the syllabus. It has become a legal contract, complete with legalese. Each assignment must be presented in exquisite detail, down to font size, margins, and they scream if you don’t give a list of “sample topics” to choose from (which I still refuse to do). If everything isn’t finely micromanaged, the student complain that they have no idea what is expected of them.
How about, I expect you to show up, read these books, and be able to demonstrate actual learning at a college level. Or get out. So there.